It's a BOY

On Halloween we shared with our families that we were expecting a little boy!  We are thrilled.  Justin really wanted a boy and can't wait to teach our little guy so many wonderful things.  I am also very happy that we are having a boy.  It aids in preserving that each of our children are very special in their own way.  That they each are wonderful and beautiful and each have their own special place in our family.  A boy will add to our family and to Kara.  We as parents will get to enjoy all the wonderful things that come with having a girl and now a boy too.  We will get to teach Kara about boys and to forget about dating a boy when he doesn't call her back.  We also get to teach our son that he should always call a girl back if he likes her.  We get to walk our daughter down the isle at her wedding.  While also looking forward to giving our son away to his future wife.  It really is the best of both worlds.

I have also been feeling much better about this pregnancy.  My dreams now are of holding our son and I am reminded of how much I love being a mother.  I am looking forward to giving birth one last time.  I've had dreams that I was able to see his little body through the skin of my tummy.  I could see that his little butt was the same as Kara's but the toes on his feet were very strange.  I equated it to him needing more time in the oven.  LOL!  But in my dream I was able to love and hold a real tangible object.  I really connected with that.

I'm currently 19 weeks.  Almost half-way there.  Our little man has been moving and rolling around more each day. I feel him move and quickly try to put my hand over the movements, but only to sit there for 10 minutes and not feel anything again.  But they will come back and will be stronger as I get bigger.

I've really had to watch my weight gain with this pregnancy.  When I was pregnant with Kara I really watched how much I gained and was right around 25-30 pounds by the end.  With this one….eh….I really haven't been watching it.  In the month of September I gained double the amount your supposed to gain!  Uh oh!  So in October I really watched it.  I ate more salads and tried to walk as much as possible.  I only gained 3 pounds that month and my doctor was happy with that.  But November and December include the holidays and that means lots of yummy food at holiday parties.  I will try my best.

All in all everything is going well.  The only thing that I keep in the back of my mind is the amount of pressure I'm already starting to feel down there.  The kind of pressure I felt the few weeks leading up to Kara's birth.  When I feel that pressure I take it easy or lay down and drink some water.  There's no cause for concern, but it worries me.

Old Friends

Last Saturday, Justin and I attended a friends' wedding.  We have known the groom for many many years and met the bride when they first started dating 8 years ago!!!!  Everyone knew they would get married, but we all wondered when!  Finally after many years of dating this couple finally tied the knot.

I had personally been looking forward to this wedding since we received the save-the-date card back in August.  We planned to get a babysitter and reserve a hotel room down in LA so we could really enjoy the wedding.

Since being pregnant and not feeling well physically and emotionally, I'm thrilled to be writing about something that brought a lot of joy to my life.

Anyways...... the ceremony and reception were beautiful.  Justin and I felt so honored to be a guest at this wedding.  These friends don't live terribly far, but now living in Ojai with a kid, we just don't have the same time to hang out like we once did.

My favorite part about the wedding was getting to see all of our old friends again.  Almost all of them are married now or engaged, and one even has a baby on the way!  It was nice not to be the only pregnant lady at the wedding.  :)

It was like old times again.  I haven't laughed or smiled that much in....GOD....I can't remember how long.  By the end of the night my cheeks were hurting.  We drank, celebrated, talked and reminisced about old times.  See I'm one of the only wives that knows almost all of the stories of these guys.  Our group of friends have never know Justin without me, so I got to hang out like one of the guys.  I mean, I traveled to Amsterdam with these guys.  YEAH!!!!  I've seen it all.

Once these guys got a few drinks in them it was hard to stop them from talking about the good old days.  So many funny things that I had forgotten about.  And it was kind of funny to see their wives taking an interest in what their husbands were like back in college.

Everyone was so nice and warm to Justin and I.  I got so many hugs and congratulations for this second pregnancy.  It felt really great to be around really good friends that really care.  Lately there has been drama in my life and I just don't do well with it.  I hate drama.  I don't even like to watch it on TV.   So it was refreshing to be around all the girls and laugh and have fun.  They all are still really close and welcomed me back with open arms.  Us girls chatted about marriage, families and having babies.

The guys that Justin is the closest with, unfortunately live out of state.  We want to make plans to visit them....but it looks like it will have to wait till after the baby.

All in all we had a wonderful weekend celebrating with old friends.

Tomato.Potato

I'm currently 13 weeks and 5 days.  I'm feeling much better.  I'm working to care for myself and take time out of the day to the things that I want to do.

For the past several weeks (maybe even a month) I have been on a tomato soup kick.  In a 2 week period I had it 5 times.  Kara and I will make our weekly trip to Panera to get soup.  I get a huge bowl of creamy tomato soup and she gets her chicken noodle soup.  Sometimes I'll make a stop into Vons and get their Tuscan tomato and basil bisque. Mmmmm, that's good. I've had Trader Joe's organic creamy tomato soup and Campbell's soup too.  I love it all.  I've also had a taste for tomatoes and not just as a soup.  I've been loving them in my salads.  One thing that's great about living and eating in Ojai is the fresh produce up here.  I can totally taste the different between a home-grown tomato and a store bought one.

Ha!  I have to laugh at myself about this next part, but my taste has slightly switched to craving potatoes.  :P
I've been loving mashed potatoes lately.  When we go out to eat I find myself locating a dish with potatoes and then ordering that, not caring what protein or meat is supposed to accompany it.

Yesterday we had a birthday party for Justin at our house.  It was my mission to make my sinful mashed potatoes.  Mmmm, they were just what I wanted.

Other than the food cravings I have been feeling better.  Psychologically and physically.  I take a walk almost everyday.  Kara usually comes with me.  We walk to the nature preserve behind our house.  Yesterday evening we brought our flashlight so we could "explore" the area and hopefully catch a glimpse of some bunnies.  Since feeling better I find that I enjoy my time with Kara again.  She's such a fun kid to play with and I've missed that since becoming pregnant.


Even though things are getting better and my life is starting to get back on track, I still have this unsettling feeling about this second baby.  It's probably not OK so say this, but I'm gonna say it anyways....   The truth is that Kara is such a perfect child, a perfect blend of me and my husband and literally the child that I dreamed of.....that I'm not sure how the second baby will add to our family.  (It's hard to say that, but it's really how I feel).

Before Justin and I decided to start a family, we joked about having a little girl that would have my looks and his brains.  Meaning, a cute little blond girl who is super smart and will take this world by storm.  And I may be bragging  a bit, but I'm gonna do it because I'm her mother, but that's exactly the child we have!!!!  She's such a spirited, loving, genuine, fun and smarter than a whip little girl that we are super crazy in love with.  Our worlds revolve around her.  Not because we want to spoil her or give her everything, but because we naturally gravitate to the goodness in her heart.  She's a true little angel and a very special gift from God.

I wonder what this second child will be like?  Because when I think about the list of things that I value in a person or a child, Kara marks all of them off.  What is left?  What else is there?

It's a hard space to be in and unless you have more than one child or are also expecting a second one, it's hard to understand what this is like.

I talk with my family on a daily basis and we discuss this often.  My mom has been great in expressing her thoughts and feelings about when I was born and then when my brother was born.  She tells me that your heart makes room for more children, just like your life does.  Each child provides something different that you didn't know you needed or wanted.  Each child is so different and an individual blessing from God.  When I hear this it does get me excited to meet this new little person.

Feeling Better

Since openly discussing my depressed mood with friends and family, I have been overwhelmed with kindness.  It has really helped me turn a corner.  Thank you.

But I can't depend on others to elevate my mood.  "God helps those who help themselves".  That is exactly what I've been working on.  I'm taking time out of the day for myself, I've scheduled Kara to spend the night away at least once a week, I will soon be starting some meditation work and tonight was my first prenatal yoga class.  I was in a class when I was pregnant with Kara and it literally saved my life!  During L & D, you never know what's gonna happen and I'm not taking any chances this time.

I called around to a bunch of yoga studios here in ojai to find a prenatal yoga class.  Surprisingly, it was hard to find one.  A lot of yoga teachers offer private lessons, but I really wanted to be around other pregnant women.  A shared experience and a place to share stories.  Pregnancy sometimes has felt isolating (being restricted in things you can't do, eat, drink, etc.)  I'm looking to be around others who are in the current state that I'm in.

So long story short, I found this yoga studio up here that offers the yoga but I would be working with the instructors wife (who is also pregnant).  I thought, "great!  This would be fun.  A private lesson with someone who is currently pregnant".  The class is a restorative class and I would be working with the wife on the side.  We would follow the instructors poses but modify them a bit.

They told me to arrive 15 minutes early so we could go over any medical issues.  So I show up @ 5:45 p.m. sharp in anticipation for a 6:00 p.m. class.  I walk in to a room full of people meditating and I'm confused.  The instructor sees me and quickly leads me back outside so as not to continue to disturb the class.  He tells me the class started at 5:30 p.m.!  I Hate Being Late!  I would rather not go to an event than show up late.  It's something I can't stand!  So immediately I'm embarrassed and mortified.  I can't believe I got the time confused.

So the instructor talked with me a bit about my pregnancy and invited me to stay for the class.  I walk into the room and have to cross over a few people to put my purse in the cubbies at the end of the room.  All the while the old wood floors are creaking under me.  Ugh!  "I'm so sorry!"

I'm super rusty on my possess and find that I'm not as limber as I used to be.  I'm all over the place.  The wife did a great job of teaching me and instructing me, but every so often the instructor had to pause his class and come over to help me.  I was a mess.  "Hi I'm Kristin.  It's not enough that I interrupted your meditation, but now I'm so bad at yoga that I'm stealing your instructor and your class time.  And you want me back next week?!?!"

These posses were not what I'm used to.  I guess I chose a yoga studio that focused on a specific type of yoga.  I don't know.  I typed in "prenatal yoga, ojai, ca" into google's search bar and this is what I found.

Anyways.  I was trying really hard to be a good sport.  But I think what did it for me was when I had the male instructor stand over me to reposition my hips and he had on some really tight short shorts!  Yikes!  I don't think I've been that up close and personal with my husbands..... you know.  I just closed my eyes and focused on my breathing.

I paid for the class and a few more sessions.  I'd like to go back but I don't know if it's for me.  There's another yoga studio that is only for pregnant women, so I may check that out.  It's in Ventura so it will be a little bit of a drive.  I'll see.

Prepartum Depression

We've all heard of postpartum depression but many might not be familiar with prepartum depression.  The signs and symptoms can be the same, but occurring during pregnancy.

I feel like I have this.

It's difficult to talk about it because I don't care to share something so personal, but I hoping by talking about it this will help me to cope with it.

This pregnancy hasn't been easy.  Not so much physically, but emotionally.  I haven't been feeling all that great.  I'm irritable, depressed mood, lack of interest in things, little to no motivation, mild insomnia, changes in appetite, and low frustration tolerance.  Now these are all probably totally typical symptoms for a pregnant lady chasing after a toddler all day, yes it is.  But it's not me.  I know how I normally feel and this isn't it.  I can tell myself that I feel this way due to a chemical imbalance in my brain due to the change in hormones caused by pregnancy.  Yes.  That's the rational side, but it doesn't help me to cope with it.  It just explains it.  This is good because it's what I tell Justin so he doesn't take it personally.  Poor guy works so hard to make me smile or laugh, he's my rock right now and I love him for that.

I just don't feel right in this pregnancy.  I'm almost 10 weeks.  I'm hoping that things start to change around 12 weeks, after the first trimester.

I've talked to Justin about the way I've been feeling.  I'm starting to go on walks by myself, which seem to help.  I'm planning on doing prenatal yoga again.  And a few other things.

Recently we've done a lot of really fun things.  We had a great trip to Monterey, we've had friends over and gotten together with family.  We've really been spending a lot of time with Justin's brother and his family.  In the moment I'm happy and relaxed, but then the day ends and I'm back in my mood.  Good things don't last very long.  We'll be heading to Mammoth over the holiday weekend and I'm looking forward to that.

I was chatting with my brother-in-law last night when they came over for dinner and a swim.  I was telling him how it feels like my life has stopped.  I love being home with Kara and taking time off to raise her.  Yet at the same time it's been a real adjustment from the pace I'm used to keeping.  I've always been looking in the future.  Next class, next school, next program, next job.  Always looking ahead and working really hard to get there.  Now, the days are the same.  There's not much change to them.

With the summer coming to a close, I am looking forward to getting back into a routine.  Kara will start her gym class and school again.  So that will be good.

8W6D

Today, I'm 8 weeks 6 days.  I started writing in my blog a few weeks ago, but wanted to wait to publish them until close friends and family knew.

We already had our first ultrasound and got to hear the heartbeat.  Kara was spending the night with Gramps and GiGi, so Justin and I had alone time for this appointment.  Wow!  It doesn't seem that long ago that I was here for Kara.  It's crazy how quickly time passes.

Here it is!!!!  This is a much better photo of this baby at this age then with Kara.  Her photo was all weird and looked like a deformed Gumby doll.

Heartbeat is good!  My mom cried when we sent this video to her.  Both of our families are thrilled and excited!

6W6D

I woke up this morning feeling like a new person!  I fell greeeeeeat!!!!  Since exactely 6W6D, I have been feeling awful.  The morning sickness or "all day sickness" was a little hard to handle.  One morning I really thought I was going to loose my breakfast.  I splashed some cold water on my face and had to sit down.  It was a rough time.

But today I feel back to normal.  I've been really working on eating small frequent meals.  Last night before bed I had a small snack and that seemed to help the nausea through the night.  I find that if I go to bed neasaous then I wake up naseaus and feel that way the entire day.  Yea, sounds like an easy enough plan but the challenge is to do something....anything to reduce the nausea.

My choice in snacks definitely replicates my previous pregnancy.  My new things is:

• Sharp cheddar cheese
• Cold pickles
• Peanut butter Ritz crackers
• Large glass of apple juice

That hits the spot every time